Goat Bones on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY7lB6SbtC8

Goat Bones

Here's a hilarious phone call I had at work today. I was calling for Lisa but her Indian personal assistant answered. The ending was partially cut off but just so you know, he starts crying and hangs up.

I don't say much because my phone is on mute while I laugh my head off.

Soccer brings out the Derek Fisher in us all

Anyone who followed the NBA finals knows what I'm talking about. Fisher, though a great player, is allergic to human contact and frequently sprawls and flops whenever slightly touched by a defender.

It's a clever strategy when you are good enough at it to fool the referees, but no one likes a whiner or a faker. Sports and athletics is about rising above pain and weakness. Leave the drama to Broadway.

Soccer, unfortunately, incentivizes players to be sissies in attempt to draw a yellow card from the opposing team. Sometimes it is an act of desperation. When a player realizes they are beat, they flop to the ground and pretend to writhe in pain. If it were true pain, it may be an entertaining sport.

Of course, penalties are in the rules for the protection of the players. But I'm sure that if the players were allowed to play on, we would quickly see fewer "injuries" as they realize they can't afford to lay on the ground while the game goes on. In American Football you only see a player stay on the ground when they are unconscious. That's how it should be.

The following is a comical demonstration of some of the most ridiculous flops in soccer:


EMBED-The World Cups Greatest Actors - Watch more free videos

Soccer is a fun sport to play, especially with Brazilians. And especially when there are no refs to act for. If America is going to embrace soccer as a major sport there need to be some changes in rules of officiating. With refs that make as many mistakes as they have in this World Cup, and without the option for video review to make sure calls are accurate, the best option would be to eliminate the refs altogether. Then we can watch athletes exhibit their talents rather than their acting skills. And we can leave the flopping to this guy:

Mmm...bagels.

I have recently been making bagel sandwiches for Danielle to take with her to school for lunch. This morning she made her own. She pulled out the turkey meat, lettuce, and green-chili cheese bagels and stared at it all for a second before asking,

"Do you usually put the meat right on the bagel or on top of the lettuce?"

"Well," I began, "since you only have two items..."

"Nnnyohhhh...." came the embarrassed Snoopy groan.

Y Do U Hate?

Any football team who tackles their own players deserves to lose. Utah linebacker, Stevenson "Sly" Sylvester (#10), should give a public apology for his classless actions that led to a Utah loss on Saturday's overtime game against BYU. In Sylvester's defense, corner back Joe Dale (#12) allegedly poured beer and cayenne pepper on Sylvester's jockstrap before the game. Still, that's no excuse for bringing shame to your team, even if it was done in the heat of the moment.

Feelings were hurt and school pride crushed at this year's Holy War. The tradition of hatred and fierce competition between BYU and Utah took a hit as fans turned on their own teammates instead of aiming the energy at their opponents. If we are to preserve this great rivalry, we must remember how the war is to be fought: taunting, jeering, name-calling, desecration of property of the opposing school, invocation of divine endorsement, etc.

Once we forget to hate everything about our opponents, we begin to hate ourselves. A self-destructive rivalry is boring for both sides. Let us all join together in a mutual loathing and bring back the tradition, honor, spirit—and most of all, class, that made this rivalry so great.

Pragmatic Idealism

I find it morally difficult to brand myself as a member of any political party. I am a pragmatic idealist.

Ideally, the most successful government would be a communal, socialist system that granted equality in rights and property. The security of these rights must be governed by a strict moral law, which would require an individual and collective good will. Any breach of the law would be penalized through a unanimously drafted justice system. This type of Zionistic or utopian society has been attempted many times throughout history—two examples: Salem (Jerusalem) and Rio de Janeiro. These two became perhaps the two most violent cities in the world. It is evident that as long as vice, pride, or envy exists, such equality cannot be maintained without creating despotic oppression that would undermine the liberties it meant to protect. Although we should not cease to strive for perfection, this ideal cannot be realized under the leadership of mortal men.

My pragmatic side makes me, in practice, a classical liberal (not to be confused with today’s Democratic liberals).

Government should protect basic liberties and provide for the common defense, but should leave most else to the people to decide. A submissive or over-tolerant attitude does not, however, jive with classical liberalism when it encroaches upon the foundation of the rights liberalism is meant to protect. We must maintain a careful balance in our “live and let live” philosophy.

A flower may not care that weeds are spreading in the distance until they surround and choke it. Other weeds, granted, are harmless as they either do not spread or do not exhaust the nutrients needed by the flower. Some appear to be weeds from the distance, but are simply a different type of flower. Others appear to be harmless flowers, but are dangerously disguised weeds.

In our world, we have to work with the hand we are dealt. The reality is that vice, pride, and envy do exist and threaten our rights. We must be a nation of morals, not complacency if we wish to be truly liberal. Anyone who says that government should not legislate morality needs to understand that all legislation is moral. It all deals with deciding what is right for us collectively and individually. It deals with granting rights, defining rights, and controlling rights. Which rights we decide to protect and promote define our country’s moral strength.

When we mercilessly prosecute members of our national defense for alleged torture yet allow repeated child rapists to walk free after three months in prison, we have acquired a warped sense of how we should legislate morality. We prohibit the use of public property to celebrate religious traditions, yet we do nothing to prevent public tax money from being used to pay for abortions. As the nation leans toward becoming a welfare state, it leans away from being a liberal nation because it allows a small number of people to decide for the rest what liberties will be valued as basic civil rights.

I have actively supported local and national campaigns for both Democrat and Republican candidates. It is unhealthy for a state, a denomination, or an individual to be blindly loyal to a single political party. It isn’t necessary to be part of or defend the Republican Party just because of your religious affiliation, or even just because you tend to have socially or fiscally conservative views. Likewise, if you find yourself at odds with the Republican Party because they ignore important issues that deal with human suffering or inequality, that doesn’t automatically make you a Democrat and require you to only vote for Democrats.

There are more than two sides to every issue. There are more than two issues to each side. There are more than two possible solutions for any given problem. Think for yourself and examine each issue and how it will impact our country’s moral strength. Support an ideal and a practical solution, not a party or a man waving a populist banner of utopia.

Off to a good start

I woke up this morning, determined to be motivated and optimistic despite this weekend's football woes. Danielle left early to class, so I got up and did a little reading on John Curtis, provo mayoral candidate, to prepare for the guest lecture for my 9:00 class. I realized I was running out of time, so I shaved and hopped in the shower. I got out and saw that it was nearly 8:45 and that I still hadn't packed a lunch for Danielle as I had promised. I whipped up a couple quick pulled pork sandwiches with meat leftover from Dasxon's mission homecoming dinner. I smelled it and remembered that I hadn't eaten any breakfast, but I had no time as it took 10 speed-walk minutes to get to campus.

After gulping some O.J. straight from the jug, I ran out the door and decided to try out Tobin's bike he left in Provo, for the first time. As I started to pull the bike out to hop on it and take off, I saw that the back tire was flat. Plan B. I ran up the stairs and took off on foot, trying to move speedily, but wearing sandals made it difficult. I managed to make it up the South Stairs in 7 minutes, grateful that I hadn't eaten any breakfast, for it would have surely ended up duck food. I then reached for my backpack, only to discover that it was not bulging out where the tupperware sandwhich container should have been. All that work, and here is was, 9:03 and I didn't even have the lunch to show for my sacrifice.

I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, so I just did neither and walked into the SWKT in attempt to slip into class without being noticed by the honorary lecture guest. As I slipped in I discovered it was not my class, and then it sunk in: my class doesn't start till 9:30 on Mondays.
Lame. And I'm still hungry.